Priorities

I just finished watching "Stranger Than Fiction" and as it was a very sort of literary movie, it put me in a rather sort of literary mood.

What is the most important thing in your life? Don't say God. Most people proclaiming to be Christians will say God, but their lives will show you quite the contrary.

Honestly answer.

Is it school?
Are you hung up on grades and constantly studying anxiously awaiting the return of that last paper to see if it will lower your precious GPA?

Is it your job? Are you worried about TPS reports, margins, returns, new leads, or whatever it is that is the business in your business? Are you constantly worried about your performance, whether your boss will see your effort, your shining success, and promote you, recognize your amazing and completely unique talents?

Are you concerned with people? Do you always wonder how your friends relationships are, how your mother's gardening club is coming along? How your daughter's bully problem at school is?

What worries you? What consumes your thought processes and time? What do you spend your day thinking about?

Is it worth it? Do we need to worry about these things?

I don't know.

I don't think it's wrong to worry about any of these things. In moderation. I have a tendency to think too much. I think about every little possibility. Every variable. Everything that could happen, probably won't happen, and undoubtedly will happen. I think. A lot. It hurts my brain. It causes me stress.

Stop. I need to stop thinking. I need to trust that God can control what needs to be controlled in my life. He's gotten me this far, I need to learn to just chill the flip out and let him deal with it. He deals with 6.6 BILLION lives on this planet each and every day. I'm sure he's capable of managing my meager existence.

I need to trust.

It always goes back to trust. I need to trust that God has his own priorities for my life, and that I will get done what he wants me to get done. Nothing less. Nothing more.

Trust God, to figure out my priorities. So simple, yet I manage to all too often ignore that option.

It's time I start paying attention to that option, it isn't an option, it's the only way to live.

Success.

I don't make enough money.

My grades aren't as great as I'd like.

I'm not super amazing at any sports.


I don't feel successful sometimes. But, I still have this insanely conceited idea that my idea of success is right, and the way the world views success is wrong. I'm right. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Success is being content, yet challenging yourself to be better. It's having meaningful relationships. It's not being in overwhelming debt (emotionally, financially, whatever.)

I know I'm continually saying this, but I really have been blessed with some amazing friends. I keep rediscovering how great some of my old friends are, and realizing people that I thought I barely knew, really are fantastic friends as well.

Money and grades... well.. those are two aspects of my life that are very much necessary, but I'd rather do without. I feel like my homeschooling background has given me an overinflated sense of intelligence, and the view that the traditional educational system is flawed, and therefore cannot measure my academic ability or growth. I don't always believe in school. I don't really believe in homework. I much prefer self study. Not because it's assigned, but because I want to. I LOVE finding something that interests me and then researching the topic with nerdish delight. I wish I had more time for my self study endeavors. I suppose that's why I'm looking forward to getting to upper level classes and eventually grad school... I feel as though there is some hope there for my academic independence.

Oh, and mathematics can just go die in a pit and be eaten by rabid wolves. Just my opinion though.

Right now, I would just very much like to have a better perspective on where I am, what I'm doing, and whether I'm wasting time and effort on things that don't matter.

I know I need to make a conscious effort to spend time around those God has placed in my life with superior life experience and wisdom, namely my parents and some of my older or wiser friends. I feel like I have so little time for the people that really matter to me. I need to find a way to make time, because they are vitally important to my long term success, as overrated and irrational as it is.